There are things i wanna do this year.
1. Get closer to God… I fail this year. I read the bible and pray and talk to Him every so often but i admit i know little about Christianity and the meanings behind passages i read. Ever since my stroke i feel a connection to Him but no reasons why except i felt His presence in my greatest time of need. God… You work in mysterious ways.. Help me get closer to You.
2. Walk correctly n faster. My gains have been monumental since i started physical therapy. Since then ive added personal training to my rehab and go to the gym almost daily in hopes that strengthening my muscles physically will help me recover mentally. It has been helping. walking means freedom and im striving to get my freedom back. My boyfriend has been helping me tremendously with my walk bc he has been that patient thoughtful and just great during my recovery… I atttibute a lot of my progress to his encouragement and nitpicking.
3. Walk in heels. Only girls know how important it is for girls to wear heels. Miss those extra 3-4 inches.
4. Run. I have dreams where im running. Im sorry. Only Walking is just not good enough.
5. Figure shit out. As much as the stroke is a major problem i do have other problems like lets say…what i wanna do with my life. Im not getting younger and i feel like time is fleeting.
6. Work. Actually i really do muss working. Anyone want to hire me or have me as an intern? Hit me up. Willing to do work for free if the position will teach me a thing or two.
7. Love myself more. Not sure i know how to.
8. December 2012. Snowboard
9. Have a drama free. Boring. Normal. Year. No near death experiences.
I hope that if i have another near death experience that ill just die from it. Srsly. Being strong now is hard. Not sure i can be pushed much further til i break.
2011.
Was perhaps the toughest year of my life. on july 25th 2011 i suffered a hemorrhagic stroke due to an alteriovenous malformation a congenital defect. I almost died. Only 30% of people actually survive hemorrhagic strokes. the surgeons told my family i wasnt going to make it but if i did i would not be able to move or walk and id have memory n speech problems.surgeons drilled a hole on the right side of my head to relieve pressure and a drain was inserted in my head to drain spinal fluid. I was in a medically induced coma for three days. I was paralyzed in my left arm and leg and suffered hemiparesis - weakness on my left side. Soon after i could move my leg. Then my ankle. Then my toes. But my arm didnt move. A few weeks later i had shoulder movement. Then slowly my fingers involuntarily twitched. And then i could bend them but not extend. then after seeing my accupuncturist i could move my fingers again tho i do not have full control. in acute rehab i often cried bc i didnt wanna leave. I would tell my pt Ariel that I’d work harder get stronger every day… My small gaons were often not celebrated b/c id brush it aside and say its not good enough. i have to keep going.
When i came home i walked with a quadcane and it took me an hr to walk around the block. my brother wheelchaired me across the streets when i had to go to the drs.
Ive come a long way since july 25. But everyday is a struggle still. being strong isn’t easy especially since i have to be strong every day. o a tear or two or a bucketful comes every so often but i push through it b/c this can’t be it. i never really wrote about what happened to me but inside i’m still scared uncertain and hurting b/c i Cant wait til im normal.
2011. took a lot away from me. but it also gave me a new perspective on things. i wanna get btr so it can be easier for everyone else n not so much for myself but im also learning how strong i just really am. it showed just how much ppl cared abt me and showed me what impact i had on other ppl’s lives. it made me appreciate the ppl around me.
2012. help me love myself more so that i am able to love those around me.
