May 2012
1 post
still picking up the pieces.
no matter how much btr it has gotten from day one i still do not have control of my body. when i get upset my body tenses up and everything i try to do becomes a complete mess.
i hate that im not able to wear/do things i used to and my life has become so so boring.
dont ask me what im up to these days bc it will alwats be gym therapy.
and i swear to god if someone tells me one more time...
March 2012
5 posts
A lot of times i feel like quitting. Like this is it. Its the best i can do. Im tired. I dont wanna make the hr commute to the gym. Im doing this myself. and its tough. Its really tough bc its a trial so personal snd you cant really ask ppl to help you. But then i remind myself that im not afraid of hard work and its so like me to hold onto the little strands of hope even when all things seem...
February 2012
4 posts
To be honest i still get scared when a headache comes on or when i feel nauseas.
Seriously. There are bigger problems out there.
Body feels so weird lately. Just been more and more tired and its harder to sustain good technique. Frankly i havent been sleeping well because of x things that have happened but lately no matter how much i sleep it hasnt been enough.
Maybe im just emotionally drained.
2 hrs.
Two hrs to kill til actual drs appt. Had to go in early today to get blood test. Chinese new yr parade blocked so many streets and rerouted bus routes idk how to get home now and i felt like i had to walk forever. But i made itttt…. Agh. So bored now.
Life. Is. So. Hard.
I just wanna give up. Throw myself on the floor and cry and stay there til i have nothing absolutely nothing to cry out anymore. Nothing hurts more than heartbreak. things have been so hard since he left. I dont have many close friends and since the hospital he was my only constant my only happiness my only plans. So sad bc i loved him so much. And i feel really lonely now. I miss him so much. ...
January 2012
11 posts
6 months.
Soooo its been six months since my stroke. Ive come a long way i know it. From being paralyzed on left side to moving again to regaining control of my muscles. I have hemiparesis which basically means weakness on the left side of my body but months of therapy later im much stronger than ive been. I walk without a cane n i cant walk very fast but ive managed to not srsly hurt myself. Im not 100%...
dear god.
dear god.
you and i havent spoken in a while but i just wanted to say thank you today for the good honest people in my life, for the people who i havent seen so much but have been super supportive of me and for all the good things that have happened. im stll a little sad but things are getting better. thank you :]
Ugh. Everytime i think ive come to terms with shit.
oh god. i fail so hard.
sometimes i feel like i’m not good enough.
2012.
There are things i wanna do this year.
1. Get closer to God… I fail this year. I read the bible and pray and talk to Him every so often but i admit i know little about Christianity and the meanings behind passages i read. Ever since my stroke i feel a connection to Him but no reasons why except i felt His presence in my greatest time of need. God… You work in mysterious ways.. Help me get...
October 2011
8 posts
day 02. gym
today i went to nysc at rego park to supplement my physical therapy. found that i could use most of the equipment. i was only there for about an hour or so but felt like i had a good workout. used leg press did leg curls hip abductor n adductor biked used steps and some arm machines that idk the names of but worked on biceps and triceps. used the mirrors and watched myself walk.
i love the...
1 tag
day 01. left hand.
appreciate that i am able to type this with both hands with less difficulty than a month ago and im less frustrated with myself today.
i realized today thatt i dont need anyone to be happy for my small accomplishments.
March 2011
4 posts
not gonna lie. im hurting. my heart hurts. my body hurts. everything just fuckin hurts.
sometimes i really wish i just didn’t give a fuck about anyone or anything.
sometimes i wish i didn’t think so much; i wish i wasn’t so disposable.
i wish i didn’t feel like i was 2 fuckin inches tall.
im just gonna cry under my blanket.
February 2011
17 posts
days like this. i just loveee my grandma and grandpa. they are so cute. omgahhh.
<3.
things you say don’t mean anything.
i LOVE my bffl
bffL: your prince charming is out there,
bffL: just don't waste your time with frogs
bffL: kekeke
bffL: frogs that will never become your prince!
bffL: just step on them.
maybe if i cry, i’ll feel better.
if i dont have expectations, i won’t get hurt.
expectations deleted.